Diversions III

::The Enchantress of Florence, Salman Rushdie - Am feeling intellectually superior. Have read an entire Rushdie. It's a very beautiful book - like reading an extraordinarily detailed, magical, colorful painting. I recommend picking this up ONLY if you have long stretches of time in which to read it. Its not for dipping.
:: The Twilight Saga, Stephenie Meyer - To balance out the Rushdie, I've now read two in this series of four monster vampire teen chick lit books. They're complete rubbish actually, but very compelling. My friends have been scouring them ostensibly to vet their daughters' reading matter which, of course, doesn't really explain why they've had to read the entire series. No matter how old you are, it seems, nothing beats a good vampire love story, in spite of the Palin-ian viewpoint on sexual relations. Yes, in these books even the vampires believe in saving themselves until marriage.....
:: Foreign Girls, Joseph Arthur - Another brilliant EP from the original Ugly Sexy guy. I love Joseph Arthur. 'Nuff said.
:: "The Worst Financial Crisis Since The Great Depression," today's NYT - Bloody hell fire. The pundits are saying this morning that we've not even begun to experience the full impact of this fiasco. The repercussions will last at least two years. Interesting that its completely marginalized both presidential campaigns this week. All eyes are on the incumbent and Secretary Paulson. Time to move to some remote Pacific island, I think...

Chemo V: Perspective

I showed up at the clinic yesterday ready to complain about the ulcers that lace the entire perimeter of my tongue, causing me to drool excessively and forcing me to speak through clenched teeth. Dr Urba was sympathetic. And went on to tell me how severe this condition can become in patients with more deadly diseases. In those who are preparing for a bone marrow transfusion, for example, the chemicals can cause sores not only in the entire mouth but all the way through the digestive system; sores that prevent them from being able to swallow so they are hospitalized for feeding/hydration through a drip; sores that are so painful that they are treated with morphine.

In the infusion room we sat opposite a really nice couple. The husband was in for treatment, but it was his wife who interested me. She had no hands. I'm guessing this was a birth defect given that what she did have - the "heel" and thumb/little finger stubs - was the same on each side. But she was as dexterous as anyone with hands, managing cell phone, iPod Touch, sandwiches (distribution and consumption), NYT crossword and so on with ease.

Later on a petite Asian woman arrived for her infusions. She greeted everyone energetically before settling into her chair. Nurse Mary told me that this lady is amazing, resilient, upbeat, a pistol and sharp as a tack. I asked about her situation. "Oh, she's terminal."

Needless to say, yesterday was a humbling experience for me, even with my mouth sores and the news that I'm now fully anemic (yes, there may be a transfusion in my future.) These, after all, are just temporary discomforts. My turban goes off to those brave souls who flourish in spite of debilitating and/or life-ending conditions.

Random Friday Night

Last night Rhett and I went to see Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait which is featured at PICA's TBA Festival. Centered on one match - Madrid v. Villareal, April 23rd 2005 - the film's 17 cameras focus not on the game, but on Zidane himself. It's eerily brilliant and I urge anyone who hasn't seen it to get down to the Portland Art Museum pronto.

Zinedine Zidane (see left), for those of you who don't know (sigh), was possibly the greatest football player in the world (now retired.)

After the film we stopped by Cafe Castagne for a quick dinner where two unnerving things happened:

1) A really nice lady approached us as we ate to tell me that she'd been in my situation a year or so ago. So clearly I look like a cancer patient. At least to those in the know. And I thought I was getting away with it....

2) The elderly couple sitting at the next table paid for our dinner. I was completely floored by this. I'd actually asked for the check when the waitress announced that this "lovely" couple would be picking up our tab. Unfortunately Rhett was in the restroom at the time - I know he would have handled the situation more gracefully than I - and I just sat there looking dumbstruck while the couple in question wrapped up their dinner and left without even making eye contact (seriously, they were a maybe three feet away from me.) I was actually a bit annoyed. Do we look needy? We were splitting a burger because I wasn't hungry, not because we're short of cash. Maybe its the now-obvious cancer patient thing. In any case, I drafted a thank you note promising that we, in turn, would practice random acts of kindness, and gave it to our waitress to give them next time they come in. Just in case they're tuning in: THANK YOU SO MUCH MR & MRS DICKEY!

Things Not To Say In The Oncologist's Office

"I sleep like the dead": this is an unfortunate expression that I've used for years. I do sleep very well. Always have. "Rebecca needs a lot of sleep," Mum would say. I could sleep for England. But the "dead" reference is not something my doctor wants to hear when he asks whether I'm sleeping. It's a little unnerving apparently. Understandable.

Paranoia

I'm forever on the alert for new side-effects from chemotherapy. It's a little obsessive. Yesterday I was horrified to note a new bruise that spanned the length of my forearm. I've always bruised easily and now, with the chemicals wreaking havoc on my platelets, it's worse than ever. But I really couldn't remember smacking my arm even lightly over the last couple of days. Some time later while reading the newspaper, I idly rubbed the bruise with my forefinger. And it came off. Because it was just dirt. I need to calm down.

Chemo IV: Farewell To Adriamycin, Cytoxan And All That

I was searching the web for images of Adriamycin and Cytoxan but the very sight of them turned my stomach so this will be a photo-free post.

So I'm done with these drugs. Apparently the next (final) four treatments will be a little easier on the system. They will involve only one drug: Taxol. My oncologist (Dr. Urba) described only a few side effects: hair loss (too late to worry about that), constipation (whatever) and, in some cases, neuropathy (numbness and tingling) which will likely go away eventually but can be permanent in some patients. I think I feel that coming on already.

My dear friend Amye came with me to this last session. Great company and a new dimension for me, since I got the opportunity to show her the ropes and introduce the staff at the Oregon Clinic as well as provide commentary on my progress (blood pressure high, temperature slightly high, weight down seven pounds since last visit, all blood counts good except still anemic etc etc.) On reflection this may have been very boring for Amye.

Not much more to report about that session. My usual nurse was off sick so the office manager hooked my port up for the blood draw and infusion. Which is not to say that they were so short staffed that the person fixing the photocopier and ordering the staplers was administering to my needs. Oh no. The office manager at the Oregon Clinic is a seasoned nursing professional.

The infusion room was more crowded than usual. So it was entertaining when Nurse Mary yelled out the results of my blood draw and admonished me for losing weight from across the room. Glad everyone got to join in.

One final note: I overheard another patient (who I always see there alone) talk about how she has to get the bus to and from treatments. Heart breaking, and a reminder about just how lucky I am to have such supportive family and friends. Thank you.

Diversions II

::My Crisp Collection - see left. Thank you, Niki.
::Teany - Making the world a teany bit better. These delicious iced tea/juice drinks rock. A delightful change from water for me. Created by international recording star, Moby. Available only in NYC (sigh.)
:: Pho Bo by Pho Van - You would think (and I've noted) that spicy food is a little difficult for me. Why then, do I continue to enjoy this spicy Vietnamese soup (# 8 - lean brisket)? I don't know, but it's tasty and comforting.
:: Democrat National Convention - This was my TV companion last week. Its exhausting to watch the whole thing. OK, I didn't - but I saw A LOT, and dwelt on the cult of personality in US politics. In Britain (it seems to me) we fall in behind our parties' philosophies and manifestos. We vote for the party. But here, apparently, we vote for the person, in this case Barack or Hillary. And, absent Hillary, its entirely possible for us to switch party and philosophy or not vote at all, because we don't like Barack. I know this isn't a prevalent trend but I was sufficiently aggravated that I threw things at the TV at times during the week. Separately, I promise to watch the Republican National Convention all this week so my viewpoint is informed, if not entirely balanced (most people know I'm a bleeding heart liberal.)

Am feeling pretty good today. Probably a good idea to get out and stretch my legs. Hopefully the Labor Day weather will oblige.